💌 Connection #2: The power of pausing, reacting vs responding

1 idea, 1 practice, 1 question

Hi friend,

Here’s 1 idea, 1 practice, and 1 question to create more expansive connections this week.

One idea to consider

Pausing leads to presence, and presence leads to more successful conversations.

A pause is an intentional break in the conversation that provides a period of time for us to consciously choose our next words, or choose to listen instead.

During a pause, we become aware of our reactions — impulses driven by deeper needs beneath the surface.

For example, we may notice ourselves:

• urgently speaking (need to be seen or heard)

• rapidly agreeing (need to be accepted or belong)

• remaining silent (need for safety)

Pausing interrupts this programming and moves us from reacting (impulsive action) to responding (conscious action).

This creates more possibilities by providing time to think, leads to better choices through intentional decision making, and builds connection by signaling you give weight to what the other side says.

One practice to try on

The next time you find yourself reacting automatically in a conversation, try one of the following:

Verbal cues

• “Let me think about that for a moment.”

• “I’m not sure yet. I’d like to give it some more time.”

• “Could we pause for a moment? I’d like to gather my thoughts.”

Pacing cues

• Take a deep, audible breath

• Present one thought at a time, then let the other side reply

• Silently count to 3 before responding or continuing

Visual cues

• Look up and to the side

• Touch your chin with your hand

• Shift your body’s position

These cues create a new way of relating and allow us to shift into more intentional communication.

One question to ask

“Imagine yourself 10 years from now. What advice would future-you give yourself today?”

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