💌 Connection #19: The Art of No
1 idea, 1 practice, 1 question
Hi friend,
Here’s 1 idea, 1 practice, and 1 question to create more expansive connections.
One idea to consider
For many, saying no is a rare and challenging feat, often accompanied by a gnawing sense of guilt or discomfort.
Ultimately, saying no isn’t about being rude or selfish, but rather about honoring your needs and limitations. The art lies in declining gracefully while maintaining relationships.
Key aspects of mastering the art of no include:
Use "I" statements without over-explaining: "I'm unable to commit to this right now" is more effective than "You're asking too much."
Offer alternatives: If possible, suggest other solutions or people who might help.
Be firm but polite: A clear "no" delivered kindly is better than an ambiguous response.
Recognizing that "no" to one thing is a "yes" to something else
Practicing the art of saying no can reduce stress, prevent burnout, and allow you to focus on what truly matters to you. It's about quality over quantity in commitments and relationships.
However, it's important to balance saying no with maintaining connections and not isolating yourself. The goal is to create space for meaningful engagements and personal growth, not to withdraw completely.
One practice to try on
The "24-Hour Rule."
Here's how it works:
Set a personal policy: For any non-urgent request or invitation, tell yourself you'll wait 24 hours before responding.
When you receive a request:
Thank the person for thinking of you.
Tell them you'll get back to them within 24 hours.
Example: "Thank you for considering me. I'll need to check my schedule and commitments. I'll get back to you tomorrow with a definite answer."
During the 24-hour period:
Reflect on whether you truly want to or can commit to this request.
Consider how it aligns with your priorities and current responsibilities.
Prepare your response, whether it's yes or no.
If deciding to say no:
Draft a polite but firm response.
Express appreciation for being asked.
Provide a brief, honest reason if appropriate.
Offer an alternative if possible.
Deliver your response:
Stick to your decision, avoiding the temptation to change your mind if pressured.
This practice helps you:
Avoid impulsive agreements
Give yourself time to consider your true feelings and capacity
Craft thoughtful responses
Build the habit of pausing before committing
Start with low-stakes situations and gradually apply this to more significant requests. Over time, you'll become more comfortable with assessing requests and saying no when necessary.
One question to ask
“What does no feel like in your body?”
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