💌 Connection #17: Expressing Emotions, Not Stories

1 idea, 1 practice, 1 question

Hi friend,

Here’s 1 idea, 1 practice, and 1 question to create more expansive connections.

One idea to consider

Express your emotions, not your stories.

What are stories?

Stories, in the context of emotions and communication, refer to the narratives we construct around our feelings and experiences. These are the explanations, justifications, or interpretations we create to make sense of our emotional responses.

A story typically includes:

1. The perceived cause of the emotion

2. Our interpretation of events or others' actions

3. Assumptions about others' intentions

4. Past experiences that might be influencing our current reaction

5. Expectations we had that weren't met

By taking ownership of our feelings, we encourage productive problem-solving and conflict resolution. Sharing raw emotions creates vulnerability, deepening connections in relationships.

This way of being helps avoid misunderstandings that can arise from inaccurate interpretations of situations. Ultimately, focusing on emotions rather than narratives leads to more authentic self-expression and interpersonal interactions. By centering our feelings, we open the door to personal growth and more meaningful connections with others.

One practice to try on

Here's an example of expression of emotion versus the story:

Emotion expression: "I feel disappointed and undervalued."

Story expression: "You never appreciate anything I do. I spent hours cooking dinner last night, and you didn't even say thank you. You just ate quickly and left to watch TV. This always happens, and I'm sick of being taken for granted."

In this example, the emotion expression focuses solely on the speaker's feelings, while the story expression includes interpretations, past events, accusations, and generalizations about the other person's behavior.

Next time you share anything, how can you express from a place of feeling?

One question to ask

“What am I feeling right now, at its core?”

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