💌 Connection #1: Understanding vs. agreement, reflective listening
1 idea, 1 practice, 1 question
Hi friend,
Here’s 1 idea, 1 practice, and 1 question to create more expansive connections this week.
One idea to consider
Seek understanding first, not agreement.
Agreement is the alignment of opinion between both parties. It involves a mutual consensus on the opinion or value in question.
Understanding, on the other hand, is the comprehension of the other side’s perspective. It’s grasping how they think and feel, even if you don’t agree.
Oftentimes, our instinctual response to a difference of opinion is to explain with the intention of convincing. But focusing on understanding has several major benefits:
It’s more likely to lead to actual agreement. Understanding builds empathy, which expands the possibility for creative solutions to arise.
It’s more likely to lead to sustained agreement. Agreement can be reached without understanding, but this state of affairs tends to be short-lived.
It’s more likely to create a positive outcome even if agreement can’t be reached. By building empathy between both parties, understanding can manifest a more positive and beneficial relationship even if agreement is never reached.
One practice to try on
The next time you find yourself in a stagnant conversation, reset by saying:
“I’d like to pause and make sure I understand you. Can I reflect back to you what you’ve said so far?”
This simple shift breaks the conversational pattern and builds empathy, creating new paths for dialogue to unfold.
Simultaneously, check in with yourself on your own needs: Do you need understanding? Agreement? Both? What would you need to feel complete?
One question to ask
“What quality are you currently cultivating in yourself?”
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